Coach Talk: Coaching from the heart

If you know that each of your team members is striving for the success of your organisation just as much as you are, how can you help them?

We have learned from management theory that leaders are in an organisation to serve as well as to lead; we have heard about the "servant leadership" school of thought. I learnt at my coaching school that, as coaches, we must have a servant mindset. But I stress the word "servant" and deride the term "slave", because a servant acts from the heart, whereas slaves are forced to serve.

Leaders serve both their organisation and their working team, to fulfill their mission and achieve certain goals. Coaching the team is one of the leaders' duties. Coaching is not only transferring what leaders know or have learnt from experience, but also helping team members to connect with themselves, so they can perform to the best of their abilities.

People need to connect with themselves first, so that they know what qualities they have to offer in serving customers, their organisation and society. A person's qualities are not competencies or areas of technical expertise, but the inherent traits each individual has at the roots of his or her humanness. This is why leaders must work from the heart to assist members of their team to connect with their inner selves.

Working from the heart is when leaders focus their intentions on helping members of their team without concern for "looking good" or their own success. When they are working as coaches, leaders must have only one agenda - serving the coachee.

For example, a leader is helping a young woman staff member to gather more self-confidence in selling. The leader should aim to help her realise and appreciate why she is doing the selling job, because knowing why has a big impact. When people know why, the how tends to take care of itself, and this saves leaders a lot of time otherwise spent in teaching and training. Helping his young saleswoman to uncover her talents, her interests and the higher purpose of doing the job helps her to understand "why". Follow this conversation:

--Leader: Can you tell me the reason you are doing this job?

Staff member: It is my duty.

Any other reasons?

I am responsible for it. It is what I am hired for.

What does the job give you?

My salary and commission.

And what is your salary and commission giving you?

My life, I suppose.

What does your life give you?

I don't know, nobody ever asked me, umm..… I never thought of that.

Can you explain more about your life then, what do you mean?

My job gives me enough money to enjoy my life, to travel, to have a decent car, to live in a high-quality condo, to take care of my parents, to create my future.

Ummm… so you are creating your own future.

Yes.

You are a very good child to your parents too. You organise their contributions and want to take care of them in return.

Yes.

What does this give you?

My self-respect.

What else?

I don't have to rely on others.

What else?

I can fulfill my duties as a daughter. I feel my value of being a human.

Now you can see how this job is important to you.

Yes, I do.

Would you mind if I told you what I heard from your answers?

No, not at all, please tell me.

I heard responsibility, a sense of returning and taking care of parents, a creator of your own future, freedom to see the world, freedom to live, to create your wealth and independence, caring and sharing……Can I say these are your identity?

I don't know, but I feel good about it. Yes these could be my identity.

That's good. Now, do you know why you have to achieve your sales target?

Yes, without doubt, sir!

Very good.

I am not doing it for the organisation, I am doing it for myself and actually the organisation is supporting me to achieve what I aim for and helping me to be who I am. Thank you for making me see this picture.

You are brilliant!

I don't know where the energy comes from, but I know I can do it, I must do it and I will be successful.

That's right!

You will notice that the leader did not tell his staff member anything about selling. The young woman pursues her selling job because it is her choice. However, she may not know specifically why she does it. It is useful to help her to understand why.

If the leader doesn't work from the heart he may be irritated by the need to ask the questions, or too impatient to wait for the answers. Since the leader has a stake in sales people meeting their targets, it might be easier and better for him to simply tell his staff what to do and how to do it, set the sales team to work and provide an irresistible commission scheme. Under these conditions, we have found that most of the time not many people achieve their targets and the turnover rate is high.

Even when leaders become "facilitative"; the minute they think about how good their question was, how cold the employee's response to the conversation is, and that this could mean their authority is being challenged - in that minute they are no longer working from the heart. Their key reminder must be: "I am here for the staff member in front of me; I am not here to serve my own ego". If a question is not working, try something else, and if that doesn't work, just keep trying something else until the conversation helps the staff member to visualise why they are doing their job and how it is important to them. This then embraces self-confidence, motivation and commitment.

Every positive action is driven by the heart. Employees have hearts, just as leaders do. Touch them.

Potchanart Seebungkerd is a certified trainer of neuro-linguistic programming and a certified coach recognised by the International Coach Federation. She is managing director of Jimi The Coach, and may be contacted at [email protected].