FRIDAY, March 29, 2024
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The rubber solution for Thailand’s pigeon, stray-dog problem 

The rubber solution for Thailand’s pigeon, stray-dog problem 

Re: “More humane solutions than culling animals”, Have Your Say, October 1.

I’m surprised that Eric Bahrt is so quick to concede that it may be necessary to cull some animals (eg, pigeons, stray dogs) to prevent them from over-reproducing. 
If Eric would just follow his train of thought to its logical conclusion, he would soon hit upon the obvious solution.
The solution is to fit the target species with condoms. Readers may laugh, but consider: most of us humans will soon be obsolete, consigned to the junkyard of failed species by the onrushing juggernaut of robotics. Robots will soon be performing every task that humans now perform. What productive jobs will remain whereby we will be able to eke out a living? 
The answer: the profession of condom-fitting.  Human fingers are far more dexterous than the clumsy metal, plastic or formica fingers of even the most cleverly designed robot. Surely obsolescent humans can be trained to fit specially designed condoms on pigeons and dogs. Of course, they will have to be careful to avoid being pecked or bitten. But that is a challenge that will make their profession more exciting. The prestige of such work, too, will give their lives enhanced meaning and impact favourably upon their self-esteem.  
A wise and caring government (and readers will note that this describes the Prayutreich to a T) should therefore initiate training programmes for this vital task. In theory, each flock of pigeons and every pack of stray dogs would be assigned a skilled human condom-fitter to monitor them and quickly slap a condom on any specimen that appears to be sexually aroused.    
Eventually this principle could be extended to other unwanted species, such as gnats, mosquitoes, termites, flies and rats. Sceptics may hoot that it is impossible to fit a condom on a gnat, but has anyone ever tried? Nothing is impossible in our switched-on age; and philosophers assure us that where there’s will, there’s a way.
I look forward to the day when, thanks to the wisdom and far-sighted compassion of the Prayutreich,  tourists and residents of Thailand alike will be free to  feed as many pigeons and dogs as they please, and every pigeon and every dog will be proudly sporting a condom.
Condom Lover

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