Mothers have a thankless job

I’ve learned that introducing myself as a housewife to strangers will pre-empt any further small talk and free me to hoard the caviar bowl at the swankier kind of cocktail parties.

Housewife or its politically correct sister, “stay-at-home mum”, raised its chipped-nail-polished fists recently in the US presidential primary elections. Brouhaha erupted when Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen said Ann Romney, the wife of the Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, “never worked a day in her life”, because the mother of five boys chose to stay at home and raise her children, all the while battling multiple sclerosis and breast cancer.

Pointing a loaded gun to a fluffy kitten’s head wouldn’t have caused as much outrage, and Romney’s party is now dancing with family-friendly glee. The Democrats, in damage control mode, have since disavowed Rosen and learned in one fell swoop that it’s not nice to bite the hand that diapered you.

We’re judged on our contributions to society. Doctor, lawyer, CEO – the greater number of people affected by your actions, the greater status you’re allotted. In that respect, it’s no wonder stay-at-home mums are relegated to the bottom rungs of the ladder.

How many persons are you going to influence? Unless you’re “Octomum”, you’re looking at less than a handful. And you won’t see the full fruition of your achievement until they’re long gone from home, when they can selfishly claim it was their education or talent that got them to where they are – talent and work ethic that you helped hone.

Yes, I’ll admit, in my years as a mother, there have been the occasional days where I’ve leisurely picked through a box of chocolate bon-bons in my pyjamas, while watching “Sex in the City” reruns in the middle of a weekday afternoon, but contrast that to subjugating a couple of decades of your life to raise and care for the wellbeing of another individual. Blood or no blood, having an independent career with tangible achievements, benefits and status looks like a way better option when seen in that light.

Since the 1980s, when mothers routinely worked outside of the home, the favoured status of the stay-at-home mum has plummeted off a sheer cliff. It’s telling that the fall from grace has been in many ways due to the mummy wars – career mum versus stay-at-home mum. When women meet other women, there’s the initial parlay when asked “What do you do?” The stay-at-home mum will stumble on her answer and the working mum will condescendingly say something akin to “I wish I could stay at home too”.

Really? Ditch the power suit, name card status and bonus cheques for days spent in sweat pants, dealing with grade-school papier-mache projects and working with inept volunteers who, to your frustration, can’t be fired? All for payback that you won’t see for 20 to 30 years? No wonder the stay-at-home dad is still listed as an endangered species.

Crudely-drawn greeting cards, spray-painted macaroni photo frames and the occasional phone call are all the rewards for the stay-at-home mum. There’s no pension plan, no salary, no sick days or paid vacation.

So if nothing else, call your mother today and thank her for her sacrifices, seen and unseen. Whether she was always home to greet you after school or throwing dinner together after a day at the office, both sides will agree, being a mother is the best job in the world.