'Fast-food' romance not always unhealthy

The survey, of 1,500 local students between the fifth and eighth grades, showed that up to 27 per cent have been in a self-declared “romantic relationship”.

Among this quarter of pre-teens, about 23 per cent ended the relationship within three months, and only 10 per cent got past the one-year anniversary. Taiwan’s dating situation is seeing the clear rise of “fast-food romance”, according to Child Welfare League Foundation deputy director Hope Chiu.

“Fast-food romance” gets its name for appealing to pre-teens and for being over quickly. It’s also possibly bad for you – young people navigate their romances with concepts that haven’t matured, which endangers the body and mind, said Chiu.

The foundation is right that there are risks related to early romance. But it’s far riskier to stigmatise early dating.

On the whole, Taiwanese tend to date relatively late in life – a phenomenon created by society’s dissuasion and our education system’s intense demands on time. Many parents tell their children that if they focus on studies and “test into” a prestigious college, they are guaranteed the rewards of a mate, a family and comfortable living for posterity.

That’s only a myth; plenty of Taiwanese do all the right things and somehow don’t get the mate, kids or cash. Insofar as it applies to dating, the myth is also dangerous, because people dating for the first time in their twenties or thirties are playing an incredibly high-stakes game that’s painful to lose.

Amid pressing familial expectations to start a family and the ticking of the biological clock, it’s easy for the late-in-the-game dater to believe that the first romance has got to be the best– it has got to be “The One”. Results could be great, or they could be horrible. Later daters have the greater incentive to commit, even when the partner is mostly incompatible. They could be more likely to hurt a mate or potential mate who wants out – as did 30-year-old Chang Chih-yang, who killed two Taiwanese girls in Tokyo; the 29-year old Taichung man who murdered his under-aged girlfriend and her brothers; or the 22-year-old student who fatally stabbed a female co-ed in Miaoli earlier this year.

Dating earlier commonly means less damage. If a young relationship fades, there are tears and bad months, but pre-teens are not liable to lose hope of having a family of their own. At that point, there is no parental pressure to marry or financial inter-dependencies to disentangle. As a result, dating earlier in life averages out to less intentional and collateral damage per relationship.

Because there is less damage per relationship – and simply as a result of starting earlier – many earlier daters accumulate experience with more types of people. More relationships with different people often – though not always – lead to learning about what’s normal, what’s not and how to revise behaviour. They also often lead to learning about the self: what characteristics one can accept, what one can’t and what one needs to be content.

There are real risks related to “fast-food romance”. There are sexual risks and there are emotional complications. In today’s education system, there are enduring consequences for the smitten and distracted student.

On the other hand, these problems are not inevitable. Many pitfalls related to “fast-food romance” can be prevented by firm, loving and aware parents. Including relationships in the sex education curriculum would mitigate complications as well. Besides, in a society where the breakup killing is a popular trope, we would do well to remember that it is not the worst thing to love a little, even if it does happen earlier in life.