Safe sex: A little help from Mum and Dad, please

A mother who finds a condom in her teenage daughter’s purse is apt to react with shock, anger and dismay, but she could just as easily feel relieved that her child is at least protected from the likelihood of a pregnancy occurring far too early in life.

Mothers’ hopes for their daughters typically involve marriage to a worthy man and a baby when the time is right, in full nuptial consent. Those hopes are all too often dashed early these days, however, as teenagers continue enjoying sex without contraception. Parents in general are in the dark about their offspring becoming sexually active, until pregnancy renders the awareness moot.

Young people who find themselves in this situation will invariably regret having foregone the use of a condom, but, unfortunately for Thai society, the majority of teens still shun contraception – in ignorance or foolhardiness – and then must deal with the consequences.

Scuttling the many efforts over the years to get Thai kids to practise safe sex is society’s restrictive, conservative and unrealistic outlook. One campaign aimed at encouraging young men to always carry a condom was widely condemned as encouraging premarital sex instead. Plans to install condom vending machines in schools yielded to the same prudish sentiment.

Thailand has witnessed an alarming rise in the number of teen pregnancies in recent years. In 2012, by percentage, there were twice as many unwed mothers aged 10 to 14 than there had been in 1990. There were almost 130,000 unplanned births that year – over 16 per cent of the national total – and 3,725 of those were among adolescent girls.

And to that statistic must be added countless more youngsters whose births were not registered and those who underwent abortions.

Their parents would dearly love to turn back the clock so they might better educate their daughters about sex and especially about avoiding pregnancy. The nation as a whole should be wishing we hadn’t ignored this problem for so long. Yet the common reaction is shock, anger and dismay – mingled with denial, forgetfulness and apathy.

No single segment of society can or should be counted on to tackle this problem alone – not the government, the schools, the parents and certainly not the teens.

For now, at least, it will be interesting to see whether the latest government effort to slow the trend succeeds. Legislation is being mulled that would compel state agencies to pool efforts in addressing the issue through improved sex education and by offering opportunities for pregnant teens to continue their schooling.

It would be the first time that all government agencies act as one in this matter and, if the legislation has even a modicum of success, the first time that any such campaign has slowed the teen pregnancy rate. Should the legislation be adopted, we would not expect quick results. Improving the quality of sex education would alone take considerable time.

Meanwhile the family has its crucial role to play. Parents are well advised to replace restrictive and repressive instincts with understanding and realistic expectations. Youngsters learn about sex in all its forms at a much earlier age in the Internet era and are, of course, naturally curious. Premarital sex has become the norm around the world, so how can it remain a taboo subject in so many Thai households?

So the parents – and especially the mothers – need to adopt a realistic attitude. Frank discussion with children about sex is crucial. It’s a chance to instil in them the sense of responsibility so necessary to making smart choices. The most fundamental message should be that sex in not a sin, but unprotected sex could impose hindrances that last a lifetime. Empowering your children with this level of sex education doesn’t imply encouraging sex, but rather guaranteeing that there are no unforeseen and unwanted consequences.

For teenagers, peer relationships can seem like a battlefield. Parents are uniquely equipped to arm them with the ability to survive.