Can we ‘Mercedes’ our way to nirvana?

It’s a lot trickier for Buddhists to defend a senior monk’s possession of a Mercedes Benz. For one thing, “evil” in Buddhism doesn’t refer to those who might try to attack the luxury vehicle but apparently to the vehicle itself. The “Just in case” or “A little caution” argument might still work, but it has to be used intricately.

So, if you were a lawyer hired to defend the senior monk against charges of violating the key principles of Buddhism, what would you say? This question has haunted me for the past few days, until I came up with the following. Lord Buddha might disagree with it, of course, but everyone deserves a chance to defend his actions.

Here’s what the lawyer in me would say to a Buddhist court (if such a thing existed):

“Show me one senior monk, Your Honour, who doesn’t have a car, who has to walk for miles to give sermons to his followers. Or better still, show me any part of the Buddhist canon that says riding in a thing with four wheels and running on a special liquid sucked up from the ground is a sin.

“No? How about I show you photos of some of the world’s most revered Buddhist monks on aeroplanes? Surely that’s a bigger crime than travelling in a Mercedes Benz, don’t you think?

“That Lord Buddha never banned air-conditioned vehicles from his disciples’ lives means they can own them. He only said Buddhist monks should limit their possessions to ‘necessities’. Take my word for it, Your Honour, cars are a must in today’s world. You need them to reach the sorry souls living in areas where monks could never travel otherwise.

“So why can’t it be a cheap Toyota, Mazda, Suzuki or Honda? That’s your question, isn’t it? It’s trendy to say you can’t ‘Mercedes’ your way to nirvana, but please hear me out. My question is, which car is safer? This is Buddhist economy, Your Honour. Thanks to its superior safety record, a Mercedes Benz gives you better insurance – or assurance – that you will reach nirvana in this life.

“You don’t want to spend hundreds of lives trying to reach nirvana, Your Honour. You would be a waste of precious resources, which goes against Buddhist frugality. You are a lot less likely to be killed in a road accident if you own a Mercedes, so it’s safe to say it’s a fast vehicle to nirvana.

“I sense you still have doubts, Your Honour. You remain suspicious that my client possesses the car not because he wants to reach nirvana as fast as possible, but because he is, well, a big-time materialist. If you don’t buy my argument that a Mercedes is a nirvana insurance policy, I have this question, sir: Who can preach “detachment” better – someone who has never owned a thing, or someone who has everything? A wise man once said that you can never really understand sin until you become a sinner yourself.

“Even Prince Siddhartha once had everything. If there had been luxury German cars during his time, I’m certain his palace garage would have boasted a few. Buddhism is a process of learning, Your Honour. And when you come to think of it, the word “detachment” needs an object. You can’t detach yourself from anything if you have nothing to begin with. To understand Buddhism, you need something to detach yourself from. See?

“And on that point I rest my case, Your Honour.”

There you have it, my imaginary defence of the under-fire monk. On a more serious note, though, if possessing a Mercedes is wrong then much else is also morally dubious in the Thai Buddhist Sangha. Senior monks owning luxury cars might seem outrageous, but it’s just a symptom of a sickness so pervasive and deep-rooted that we don’t know exactly who to blame. We can’t change things by adding “Mercedes Benz” to the list of banned items. Buddhism doesn’t work that way.

We aren’t talking about a set of rules here. Buddhist enlightenment is not something that can be reached by finding loopholes. In other words, you can’t comb greed’s hair, dress up your un-Buddhist actions and expect to access nirvana. The road to the destination is so simple and complicated at the same time, depending on your choice of vehicle.