How mass media might have reported the birth of Jesus
Bethlehem, Judea (from the Bethlehem Times): Social media were in an uproar this week over the brutal treatment accorded to a destitute Galilean couple and their newborn son.
Joseph of Nazareth and his heavily pregnant wife Mary were visiting Bethlehem in compliance with the recent tax edict. They were forced to seek refuge in a stable because all the inns were full.
There, surrounded by goats, cows and donkeys, Mary gave birth to her firstborn child, who has yet to be named. “I’d like a name that begins with J, like Joseph,” Mary said wistfully. “So far we’re just calling him Jay.”
The innkeeper, Simon of Bethlehem, owner of the Star of David Inn, was apologetic. “All my rooms were full,” he explained. “The stable was the only place available.”
Contacted by the Bethlehem Times, Human Rights Watch was not sympathetic.
“They could have made space in one of the rooms that were already occupied,” complained Judah of Jerusalem, the local director of the Judean branch.
“To relegate a pregnant woman to a stable is barbaric, inhumane, and certainly not politically correct.”
But Mary and Joseph defended the innkeeper. “It’s okay,” Mary said. “Little Jay likes the animals. A cow licked the slime off him after he was born. It tickled him. The first sound he made was a giggle.”
“Besides that, we got a discount,” Joseph added.
The birth of a baby in a stable was a new “first” for the City of David. It is sure to provide a big boost for tourism. It attracted the attention of local shepherds, who claim to have been informed of the event by supernatural beings – “big guys with wings”, as one of them put it. “They also had harps,” another added. “But the singing was terrible.”
Unverified reports maintain that certain foreign dignitaries came to Bethlehem to pay their respects. They are rumoured to have presented expensive gifts to the newborn child. We trust that the municipal authorities were quick to collect luxury and import taxes, not to mention VAT.
Photos of the birth event will be posted on Facescroll. The Bethlehem Times congratulates the Galilean couple on the birth of little Jay. We hope that once he has been given a proper name he will grow up to impact society in a favourable way. “Impactful,” says Joseph. “We hope his life will be impactful.”