Pebble-dashed breakfasts that could inspire Cezanne
Re: “Imperfect EU a bulwark against the return of fascism”, Have Your Say, May 3.
Necrotising fasciitis is a ghastly flesh-eating disease that causes the body’s soft issue to rot away. It has a sister disease called “global cultural marxist fascist-it is” (GCMF) which causes the brain to rot, the face to turn purple and the victim to write furious diatribes to Have Your Say. GCMF is triggered by the presentation of historical facts that put the lie to the victim’s deranged beliefs and has an unfortunate side-effect, as demonstrated by Dr Frank’s letter. He claims that while reading my treatise of May 2 over breakfast, he “inadvertently pebble-dashed the table with bits of eggy stuff”.
They say that taking up gentle artistic pursuits can alleviate the ravages of GCMF. Cezanne is famous for his post-Impressionist renderings of food, such as “The Buffet” and “Still Life with Soup Tureen”. I suggest Dr Frank upgrade his breakfast to a “Full English”. Although Cezanne specialised in pre-ingested food, I see no reason why a pointillist regurgitation of black pudding, baked beans, mushrooms, “pig in a blanket” and eggy stuff, neatly pebble-dashed onto a breakfast table and committed to canvas, should not take the art world by storm. Dr Frank, thus occupied, could then release valuable column space on Have Your Say.
Nigel Pike
