I’ve been enjoying the rise of HHB in this column, mainly because of its entertainment value. In his latest salvo, HHB assures us that, among his other crimes, the late former US President George HW Bush was complicit in the assassination of JFK. Earlier (“News from a parallel universe: President Hillary Clinton launches nuclear war,” Have Your Say, November 30) he blithely informed us that Osama bin Laden died of Marfan’s disease in December 2001, thus rendering the later (May 2011) helicopter-borne assassination mission redundant.
Of course, the ever-wicked mainstream media are a central villain in all this. They always cover up sinister truths that only conspiracy theorists are smart enough to figure out. I wonder why HHB doesn’t bring up the late President Bush’s complicity in the death of Jesus Christ.
Yes! The mainstream media have been covering this up. During Bush’s leadership, the CIA perfected a means of time travel that enabled it to send an agent back to first-century CE Judea. He infiltrated the Jewish Sanhedrin and provided testimony that forced it to condemn Jesus to death.
Sceptics may ask why Bush, a devout Episcopalian, or anybody in the US government, mostly good Christians, would want to kill Jesus. Simple. If he hadn’t died, Jesus would have been unable to save humankind from its sins. He also wouldn’t have been able to rise from the dead. If he hadn’t risen from the dead, Christianity would never have been born. If Christianity hadn’t been born, it wouldn’t have been able to mould and dominate Western civilisation for the next 2000 years. Western society would have taken an entirely different turn. We might now all be worshipping Mithras. (Well, everybody except A Bangkok Atheist.)
Having saved Western civilisation from the horrors of Mithraism, Bush ordered the destruction of the means of time travel, because he knew it would cause nothing but trouble. In that, he was unusually perceptive. But of course the mainstream media have covered all this up. If you enjoy conspiracy theories, you can’t do much better than this one.
This generation is deep in Woo-woo Land, people, and we need to keep our wits about us. Let’s exercise a bit of critical thinking before signing on to flaky conspiracy theories.
Ye Olde Theologian