Strengthening the inner self to be a true, sincere leader

  
 
Perpetual Victim
 
A: So you know it does not make sense but you keep restraining yourself till today. Why? Admit it! There is something deeper in you that makes you want to, or perhaps likes to play the victim role. There is perhaps a ‘person’, an experience, etc in your early life that keeps reminding you not to confront, react or to do anything ‘silly’ to a boss like yours. So you are doing them a ‘favour’ when you subdue yourself and take all the beatings.
The Bottom Line: Till you openly acknowledge this and ‘tell’ this ‘person’ (or experience) that you no longer play a part of their control over you, you will continue to live under this sad state of affairs. However, when you can pick yourself up from this, you will be doing a lot of powerful things to change your circumstances; telling him off and warning him not to do this to you are among the things you can do courageously. You will tell yourself that letting off your anger is not wrong but a healthy way to live the life you want once more. When you do this, the turmoil inside you will subside and inner peace and calmness will fill your life.
Powerful Questions: Who is the person or experience in your life ‘telling’ you that you should be a victim to others? How can you reconcile with this person (or experience) that it is time to cut ties with them? What will you do and say to let off your anger to the person who is doing this to you? What will be your gains that no one can take this away from you anymore?
 
Winning the workplace war
Q: I like to seek your views as a coach on why some of my staff are silently going on a ‘go slow’ protest against my leadership for reasons I cannot guess. They are infuriating me with their negative work habits where they deliberately take their own sweet time doing their work although knowing I will soon know and will be most unhappy with their sickening behaviour. They also know I would not believe them when they fabricate their reasons such as: ‘we are very busy’, ‘something urgent cropped up that we have to attend to first, etc’. They also know of the consequences especially when it comes to their performance appraisal reviews. Why are they doing this? Are they plain stupid or is there something else?
Shape Up
 
A: Yes, you are absolutely right. They not only know that you will know, but want you to accept this as well! To them, ‘going slow’ is their way of gaining control over you. This is the same you have on them, using the formal authority you have that they do not have. This seems to be like a ‘tit for tat’ war going on. In my view, it could be your leadership that they disdain. They probably feel that the things you do to them are too punishing, unreasonable and bad, or something else. They want to get back at you so they use the only authority they have and it is about ‘going slow’ where they have control. So they are not ‘stupid’, but ‘strategic’ is probably a better word!
The Bottom Line: You need to be objective about this situation now. In the end, they are not going to be losers alone; you too will be included! A good way out is to sit down with a few selected employees (especially those ‘kingpins’) to get them to bare their souls on what are the underlying issues that they have against you. If you feel you are right in what you are doing, this will be a good platform for you to explain your rationale and get them to buy in. However, if their grievances make sense, then be brave and kind to admit it, correct it and move on. It is a show of your courage and objectivity that will help you to earn ‘trust points’ from your people. They will then see a true and sincere leader in you.
Powerful Questions: What do you want to change in this situation? What does this require you to do? What is your first step to doing this? What will all gain when this becomes a reality?

Corporate Coach Academy is a coaching school in Asia to certify leaders of all backgrounds to become manager-coaches or professional certified coaches in this region.
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