Coaching works, if people just let go of the past

Having been an executive coach and trainer for more than 10,000 hours, I’m often asked if coaching can change people’s behaviour.
Without a doubt, it is safe to say that coaching is a thought-provoking process and it is certainly different to training. However, regarding the difference between training and feedback, I’d say it’s still unclear and confusing.
From my experiences, I look at them differently in terms of process, communication mode and focus.
Coaching is an inside-out process that focuses on the insights of those being coached, which should include how they think or feel with certain topics while being coached in relation to a situation.
With that process, people are constantly asked to reflect and make sense in order to create “awareness” about themselves.
In fact, information alone rarely brings people to the “why” – the motive behind them wanting to change their behaviour. But awareness can certainly trigger self-motivation towards action. In other words, good feedback is not just about knowing, but also requires realisation.
In this sense, you can see that feedback and coaching are not the same and cannot be used interchangeably. Instead, it would be better to use them in conjunction with each other.
To further elaborate, I would simulate situations by applying feedback and coaching simultaneously.
To begin with, I would recommend you start by giving feedback about what you did well and didn’t do well.Then I would use a question-and-answer session to let you be insightful. Here are some examples.
– What part of the feedback do you think most relates to you? How was it?
– What is the most important area that you want to improve? Why?
– What are the few key steps you can start?
– How can you make sure that will happen?
With this process, people will make sense of the information they are receiving and turn it into insights and eventually action.
However, if the person being coached is mentally blocked by past experiences or faces limitations, they may not be able to answer these action-driven questions.
In that case, I would propose solution-focused coaching questions to empower them to shift their mind to the future. These solution-focused questions help change mindsets from negative to positive.
This approach also activates the “visual” brain, used to solve complicated problems or find alternatives and solutions. For example, if it could be done, what exciting life would you want to experience?
And if you were able to remove one major obstacle (state the obstacle), what would your life be like?
Solution-focused coaching is best used to enable the person being coached to unlock their mindset before going further with action steps.
Nobel Prize winner Andre Paul Guillaume Gide said: “Man cannot |discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
I am certain that when people let go of the past they become better people, and coaching is surely a way of facilitating that.

Dr Siraya Kongsompong is the Senior Consultant of APMGroup’s Leadership and Talent Development Business Unit and an ICF certified coach. She can be reached at [email protected] or www.facebook.com/apmgroupthai