The secret affair

Have you ever wondered who’s living in the next apartment? It’s impolite to be curious about your neighbour’s life, but it’s also beneficial in case of emergency. I’m lucky having a gay neighbour to one side, but I’d never met the person living on the other – and I was curious!

 Last Saturday I found out.

He’s about 50. I saw him walking down the corridor without a smile. I smiled and was ready to say hi, but he didn’t glance at me. I could only shrug, expecting there’ll be another opportunity. 

Another man appeared in the corridor, around 30 and obviously an effeminate gay. He smiled and unlocked the door to the room the elder man had just entered. It looked like a scene from a Thai TV series, and I was surprised.

I can’t judge their relationship because I 

 don’t know what was happening that afternoon inside that room. If they were having a secret affair, I can’t say anything because it’s their choice and I must respect their decision. 

However the situation made me ask myself whether, if I found the right guy and he was married already, what would I choose, between freedom and love, in an environment that encourages gay men to come out?

Ideally we want them both at the same time, but life isn’t perfect. 

Living alone seems almost criminal to a gay man sometimes. It’s as though we’re allergic to loneliness. It’s no wonder that some gay men choose love at any price – they just don’t want to live alone. Some may argue that a secret affair is shameful, sinful and unsustainable, but everybody knows how difficult it is to find the right mate.

Having an affair with a married man is immoral, but the blame lies with our “hetero-sexist” society and morality. Same-sex coupling is not accepted as equal to male-female relationships. 

Social pride cannot fill the empty heart. Some people don’t care and start to fly from the social cage, but some people cannot deny the heterosexual norms, regardless of the reason. So they have to search for their love down secret corridors. 

To blame two people who have secret relationship is not fair. We should criticise the social norms that are too narrow for society’s broad diversity.