Boors should blow themselves up

In view of recent events, my husband and I repent our cowardice in changing our names to Hezbollah and Qaeda, respectively, in a craven attempt to escape the attention of Iranian terrorists. We do not wish to be associated with these jerks. I have given my abayah to local children to use on Halloween, and my husband has thrown out his sheesha and shaved off his beard, which was starting to itch anway. Next time terrorists try to mount an operation in Thailand, we hope they will be competent enough to blow themselves up entirely, instead of just blowing off their own legs. 

Constance Beasley

Bangkok