Coaching

But the hard truth is I never feel happy with myself afterwards, or feel that I have made my point. In fact, I end up feeling even more ill at ease than the other party. In most cases, I seriously regret my actions.

Is my behaviour unusual, and is there a way to explain it? Is there something I could do to develop a calmer disposition in such circumstances?

Whether it’s a conversation, interview or business negotiation, people with this kind of behavioural reaction often lose their cool when under pressure and/or are facing new challenges. Where they lose out is in their ability to express their opinions or views in a positive manner. As a result, they lose control and "crumble" in the face of adversity.

To overcome this kind of temperament one must try to accept the views of people that do not necessarily fit the "mould" of what one believes. Despite a difference of opinion it’s important to remain fair and objective. You have two options: either you hold your ground and firmly, but calmly, state your view, or you take a "backseat" and yet remain composed and in control of the situation.

Tolerance can be achieved in a number of ways. Firstly, accept and respect the fact that everyone is different due to experience. Admit too that you have your own views and that nobody is trying to change them. Ask yourself these questions: Does everybody have to think like me? Is it right to impose my views on others? How is my respect for others best demonstrated?

Secondly, learn to let go. Loosing your "attachment" to people, things and ideas, will give you freedom of space. Tell yourself it is okay – this will free you from stress and anxiety, which will be replaced by a calm compassion and understanding. Ask yourself these questions: What is the worst thing that can happen? What is the upside if I don’t take this seriously? How will others benefit from my understanding and compassion?

Thirdly, try to remember what matters. Not staying focused on this gives rise to all kinds of stress. Move the world towards peace by being kind; generous and forgiving of others; showing gratitude for what you have; and taking full advantage of what matters most. Ask yourself these questions: What are my key priorities? What will I really lose if I focus on the lesser priority? What will I gain when I stay focused?

Lastly, take up some form of relaxation exercise, be it yoga, meditation or even prayer. Through such activities you learn to be more mindful of yourself and your emotions, thoughts and behaviour. Ask yourself these questions: How can I learn to relax? How much better will my actions and decisions be when I have learnt how to keep calm?

Corporate Coach Academy is a coaching school in Asia, which trains leaders from all backgrounds to become manager-coaches or professional certified coaches in the region. Log in to www.corporate-coachacademy.com or email [email protected] for more details.