NCPO, bring happiness to expats - axe the bar fines

I thank Songdej Praditsmanont for his generous attitude towards expat letter-writers, and devoutly hope that my own humble contributions have always fallen into the category of “educational and thought-provoking” rather than “ignorant, ridiculous, and bombastic”. I myself have often been irritated by certain expat windbags who lecture Thais on the requirements of democracy when the governance of their own home countries is far from perfect. 

Since Thailand is now attempting to forge a happiness-based society, there is one area in which I would like to suggest an entirely beneficent innovation that would instantly bring about a quantum leap in happiness, especially among expats. I refer to the abolition of bar fines.

The unjustified and entirely pernicious custom of bar fines has blighted the Thai entertainment sector for as long as I can remember. It extends back in time even to the pre-Bernard Trink era. Far from being a Thai tradition, it is unquestionably of malevolent foreign origin. It is contrary to every system of morality from the venerable Code of Hammurabi down to the latest fatwas of the Iranian ayatollahs, and would have been condemned by every moral authority from prehistoric shamans down to the Reverend Al Sharpton. Indeed, this loathsome practice has bankrupted generations of fun-loving expats and has always acted as an obstacle to the consummation of true love. 

I urge the NCPO to abolish this heinous custom and to enshrine its abolition in the new constitution. This will give a substantial boost to the tourism industry. It will produce an ongoing surge of happiness among bar-hopping expats, and especially within the bosom of …

Horace Beasley