Thank you, Thais, from the bottom of my heart

You will be crucified, but screw the critics. At least you aren’t hypocrites. You are pragmatic, that’s all. Others have demonised me, citing one abstract value after another, but let them argue with the statistics that you so staggeringly put in their faces. When nearly 70 per cent of people surveyed say they wouldn’t mind me being a little nasty here and there as long as they get a little something out of it, that, my friends, is what matters.

The Malaysians wouldn’t accept me even for the world? Give me a break. Let me guess: they must have done the questionnaires on high horses. But, well, come to think of it, I have thrived not because of those who “accept” me, but because of those who pretend they can’t accept me. You know, Hypocrisy and I are like Romeo and Juliet. We complete each other.

I have fought Democracy for God knows how long. I always try to convince him that we are better off together, not against each other. But he wouldn’t sign a pact with me, which could have combined and turned us into the most powerful force on earth. It’s this kind of stubbornness that led to weird %@#& – forgive my foul language – like in Thailand, where a court warrant has been issued for the arrest of a fugitive who is worshipped by police chiefs and whom a deputy prime minister wants to promote to the rank of police general.

I can only hope all the pretenders take a long, hard look at the latest Abac poll. If I’m so bad, why am I so popular? What would you do to a cop who takes bribes and who also happens to be a great crime-buster? Okay, the bribe-taking does not benefit the people directly, but the practice may have enabled that cop to keep functioning as a cop and prevent him from becoming a criminal himself.

There are plenty of “corrupt” activities that benefit the communities. One politician might benefit from mega-concessions but his constituents might get new roads. Of course, the roads could have been of better quality had he been “clean”, but in this world, nothing is perfect, right? A cunning minister might make a killing on untoward “commission” fees, but many rural schools might get computers.

Some may say the roads and computers are useless because corrupt practice usually delivers them to the wrong place at the wrong time and with the wrong specs. There are dreamers who think that, without me, better roads would be built where they should be and up-to-date computers would be given to poor students, along with teachers who know how to use them. Keep dreaming.   

All I can say is that these critics are insulting the intelligence of the majority of the Thai population, who, according to the Abac poll, gave me their overwhelming vote of confidence. The critics are assuming that those Thais don’t know it’s the government’s duty to give them roads and computers in the first place. They are accusing those Thais of being conned into accepting windfalls from me so they won’t care what I do in the big picture.

I’m glad you have spoken out, again and again. And you have spoken the truth because, from where I come from, truth is whatever the majority of the people say it is. That’s what Democracy is all about, isn’t it? Otherwise, Democracy would be just a system that favours the ones who are better liars. 

Now, Democracy: tell me you are better than that. Don’t tell me all you do is be a breeding ground of the gullible who are also low on moral standards. Tell me that, when the majority have spoken, they are the voice from heaven, even though they speak in favour of a man like me.

So, here’s my big pledge of gratitude again to all the Thais brave enough to overcome superficial moral clichés like “Corruption shall never be tolerated”. This is a win-some-lose-some world, and it’s so refreshing to know there are people like you out there who don’t see things in black and white. You are my inspiration. Although that sounds like a cliché, it is not. It’s from the bottom of my heart.

I promise that I will keep doing my best to repay you. There’s so much more I can give apart from roads and computers. Thanks to your support, I’m perfecting the art. Whatever I do next, I guarantee you, it will be smooth and flawless because, no matter what everybody else is saying, I do care about your conscience, too.

 

Eternally yours (as suggested by Abac polls),

Corruption