No limit for first-timers

Meechai Burapa's excellent suggestion for a first-time dowry scheme is yet another idea in the exciting new field of first-time schemes.

Thanks to the generous new Pheu Thai regime, I expect first-time subsidies to take root quickly in Thailand. They will soon become as integral and as inextricable a part of traditional Thai culture as 7-Elevens, skin whiteners, tea money, "buy one, get one free" promotions, and "Money Is God".

I propose a subsidy for first-time bar crawls. Out of shyness or misplaced piety, many tourists never get the opportunity to savour the romantic ambience of a Bangkok bar. Those that do deserve a reward for their courage. Such people are called "bar virgins". Upon entering their first bar for the first time, they would identify themselves as bar virgins and produce their passports. The government would subsidise their entire visit, paying up to 50 per cent of the final bill.

This plan has several benefits. It would give an immense boost to the bar trade, which is currently languishing under the blight of inflated prices and deflated bar girls; tourists would flock to Thailand just to sample this new experience; and bar virgins would be assured a warm welcome and a host of new friends. Of course, they would be encouraged to ring the bell incessantly, buy multiple rounds of lady drinks for the whole staff, and bar fine entire platoons of bar girls. (The serendipitous policy of "buy one, get one free" could easily be applied here.)

I can hear critics carping that people will cheat: customers will claim to be bar virgins who are no such thing. Well, no, they won't, because upon paying their bill they will have "NOT A BAR VIRGIN" stamped in their passports, right under the photo, together with the date. Their pathetic attempts at deception will be detected as soon as they present their passports at the next bar.

I commend this programme to the government and look forward to its speedy implementation.

Horace Beasley

Bangkok