Guidelines for a more courteous Have Your Say in 2018
Re: “Savouring the words of Dr Frank”, and “No threat, just exposure of fascist hate-mongers”, Have Your Say, December 23
Prompted by Ye Olde Pedant’s “Be Nice to Nigel” plea, I must reciprocate with a Christmas gift to my detractors and to The Nation’s readers. Eric Bahrt throws down a gauntlet, suggesting that JC Wilcox is “even more disgusting” than myself, but I shall avoid the temptation to compete for the “Most Disgusting Have Your Sayer Award” in 2018. Instead, I humbly submit guidelines for a more courteous letters page in the new year. The aim is to restore the column to a place of serenity – a place where old ladies may sip afternoon tea in peace and where children may gambol happily in the sunshine.
The following is a draft template for future letters to the Editor. It is based on an imaginary exchange between myself (NP) and Dr Frank (DrF), on the subject of Trump’s recent recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel:
DrF: I feel I should chide Mr Trump for his decision. I rather fear that it may be detrimental to the Middle-Eastern peace confabulations.
NP: Much as I respect your opinion, Dr Frank, I beg to proffer an alternative view. Mr Trump has simply acknowledged several thousand years of Judaeo-Christian reality, and besides, an eventual move of the US embassy to Jerusalem has been official American policy since 1995.
DrF: Typical swivel-eyed obnubilatory rantallianism from the bipolar turd-polishing white supremacist, Nigel Pike!
NP: I beg your pardon, Dr Frank? That doesn’t sound very genteel, whatever it means.
DrF: I do apologise, Nigel. My outburst is the fault of my gonads. They tend to ice up in my present frozen climes.
NP: I sympathise, you poor fellow. Stop crying. You are forgiven, Dr Frank.
DrF: (Blub, sniffle...) Thank you, Nigel.
[End]
Okay, it’s only a first draft, it’s not perfect, and I invite suggestions for improvement. Meanwhile, I wish sincere festive greetings to all, even Dr Frank and Eric Bahrt, and I spare a special thought for the latter as I disgustingly (but not as disgustingly as JC) tuck into my Christmas turkey. Merry Christmas!
Nigel Pike
Phang Nga
