Reconciliation needs real heavyweights

With such heavy hitters as the Indonesian president (I’m not even going to try to spell his name), Hillary Clinton, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Jose Ramos-Horta and Lakhdar Brahimi declining to attend, I believe we need to beef up this gathering with some major heavyweights to save the PM’s face. The Dalai Lama immediately comes to mind, but Thailand will deny him a visa out of fear of the Big Dragon to the north. Aung San Suu Kyi also comes to mind, but she is tied up with problems in her own country. Jimmy Carter and George W Bush would provide a pleasing balance (and possibly some newsworthy fireworks), but I understand that Bush charges too much money just to give a single speech.   

But all is not lost. I have heard rumours that this whole operation is just a show. In that case, since we’ve already invited Emma Thompson (let’s hope she doesn’t refuse), let’s pull in some major show-business heavyweights. Oprah would lend class and gravitas to the proceedings; Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber would add sizzle. Angelina would draw the attention of the world media, especially if she could drag along Brad. I would recommend my husband Horace, but despite his demonstrated wisdom, he has no prestige, no gravitas, no sizzle and no class. Besides that, he will be out drinking that night and every night.

Constance Beasley

Bangkok