We trust in Trump
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Re: "Trump for president?", Opinion, June 19.
Let me put in a word in praise of the much-mocked Donald Trump. I ask all my fellow Yankees: Who would you rather have negotiating with Vladimir Putin, Hassan Rouhani and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi – Jeb Bush, Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump? Who would you rather have making decisions on immigration policy? The Donald’s plan is to admit only as many immigrants as can fit into the Trump Tower.
Who would you rather put in charge of combating the IS (Islamic Savages)? The Donald will offer to buy up all of Iraq and Syria, fill them with condominiums and casinos, and relocate all IS fighters to comfortable digs in Las Vegas and Pattaya, with easy access to Caesar’s Palace and Walking Street. Who would you rather put in charge of reversing global warming? The Donald will simply order the sun to chill out, and the sun will tremble and obey.
Who would you rather have managing social change? TD’s enlightened and forward-looking policy will encourage not only LGBT marriage, but also intermarriage among different species. If you want to marry your cat, it will be okay, just so long as the cat consents. TD will endorse transsexuals like Caitlyn (formerly Bruce) Jenner and trans-racials like that Caucasian lady who works for the NAACP and claims to be black (can’t spell her name).
He will carry the policy of loving-sharing-caring inclusiveness one step further by promoting trans-species-ism. That means if you want to become a dog, you can, but you must undergo the proper hormone treatments, choose a proper canine name like Fido or Spot or Rover, and promise not to bite mailmen.
The Donald’s candidacy offers us a brand-new shot at fulfilling the American dream, so don’t blow it, my fellow Americans. Get us out of this slump. Pump Trump.
Yankee Doodle
