Hands-on history: How Bible foresaw Brexit

I was delighted to see from Dr Frank’s letter and John Shepherd’s response that biblical literacy is alive and well among writers to this august column. But some readers might require an explanation of Dr Frank’s reference to “Onan’s seed that falls on stony ground”.

Genesis 38 is an unusually spicy chapter of the Bible. Onan’s elder brother had died childless, and the law required Onan had to cohabit with his brother’s widow and produce offspring. But Onan, knowing the offspring would not be legally his, he masturbated – “spilled his seed [semen] on the ground” – before having sex with the widow.

One wonders how he could perform at all after that, but the Bible modestly avoids an explanation. One also wonders why he was so anxious to avoid a duty that many of us would consider quite pleasant, depending on the widow’s looks and personality. Dr Frank embellishes the account by informing us that the ground was stony. Unless he was present, how could he know the ground was stony? I believe we can dismiss this addendum as a rhetorical flourish. 

The deity, by the way, was displeased by Onan’s evasion of duty, so he killed him. 

Victorian-era divines invoked this story to warn teenaged boys about the evils of masturbation, but its point was not that the deity loathes masturbation. What he hated was Onan’s failure to fulfil his responsibility. How he feels about masturbation I have no idea. 

Since he has a fairly large universe to run, and since our particular planet seems to be going to Hell rather rapidly, I should imagine he has more pressing concerns. 

Ye Olde Pedant

Champion of biblical literacy