If you're dry, you're not wet

So I was glad to hear that there is a number you can call that will provide definite and specific information for any given area. I envisioned a state-of-the art Flood Information Centre utilising the capabilities of the most advanced GPS system, Google Earth, satellite technology and the Hubble Space Telescope to provide accurate and up-to-date scientific information. A simple phone call would tell us whether or not we were going to be flooded – and if so, exactly when, and by how much, and for how long. God bless the efficient Thais and their love for the latest technology, I thought. So I asked my maid to make the call. 

The official on the other end of the line asked her to wait while she checked the latest data for our area. 

After a prolonged wait, the answer finally came. “Yang mai thuam, kha.” I believe that translates as “You’re not flooded yet, madame.”

We already knew that by looking out the window. I did not find this information helpful, and wanted something more precise. But the official had already hung up.

When I complained to my husband, Horace, he replied, “The Thais don’t ‘do’ preciseness, Connie. The Thais ‘do’ charm. Appreciate it.” And he went to the fridge for his fourth beer of the morning.

I’m wondering if I could have received more precise information from the Froc or the Croc or the Frog or whatever it’s called. I intend to file a complaint if I can ever find out who to complain to.

Constance Beasley

Bangkok