Best to stay here

It got me thinking whether it’s true that gay men prefer to live in big cities. Champasak in Laos is a big economic centre and has a large gay population. Bangkok has even more gay men, in every corner of the city.

I think one of the main reasons for the metropolitan allure is the large amount of space – in the abstract sense. It frees us from many social rules. That accounts for the great diversity in Bangkok, not like cultural diversity in the hilltribe areas, for example, but more complicated. This isn’t “ethnic”. It’s about age groups, common areas of interest, psychology and, of course, sexuality.

Even more important is Bangkok’s huge general population. It means you can’t possibly know everyone in the community. And you’re not always sure who shares your opinions and beliefs.

 Gay men love the diversity – all the unknown people, visitors coming and going – because it lets them behave the way they want almost anonymously, especially when so many citizens don’t care to know what their neighbour is doing.

Gay men also prefer cities because of the urban music they produce. They discuss the tunes, lyrics and videos and their sophisticated subject matter. It’s rare to find gay men talking about country music – either because it references only katoey or despite that fact. 

So gay men appear to identify with urban spaces. Upcountry, the villagers probably know when there’s a gay man among them, but accept it as his personal preference. 

So I understand why my gay friends wouldn’t want to go back home if Bangkok were deluged. They were suffering upcountry because they were “unrecognised”.

They could join in community activities, but they couldn’t talk to others about their personal lives like straight people can. So being part of a community is important – it shows society the scope of the gay population and lets us be counted among the other social groups. It helps us pursue equality. 

The size of the gay population isn’t the most important thing. It’s how intensely the gay community pursues that equality. If we’re strong enough, we can show society that we’re normal too.