THE FAMILY LESS FAMILIAR

 

  There was a news story on St Valentine’s Day about a couple registering for marriage who seemed strange even to many in the LGBT community. This week Ben, who’s tom, and Pond, who’s transgender, reappeared on the “VIP” show. 

In school we were taught that a family is comprised of father, mother and child – simple enough except for single mothers and fathers. A little older, we set out in search of Mr Right, only to learn about dysfunctional relationships and families and marriages of necessity and convenience. Faith in the future ebbed away. 

There are many reasons to marry and start a family – not all of them savoury – but LGBT people also have to struggle against social prejudice to do so. How, people ask, can they form a family when there is no distinct father and mother? How can they reproduce, as nature intended? 

Add to that the widespread belief that there is “no true love among gay men”. The perception that gay men can’t live monogamously hurts us when we ask for equal rights, especially the right to legally recognised marriage.

So Thai society is lucky to have Ben and Pond as a great example of “strange” people deciding to start a family. Their relationship is more complex than most in the LGBT community. They’re beyond the capability of most straight people to understand – surely tom must always pair with dee and katoey with men! 

But no, their very ordinary love is comparable to that of any straight couple. They’ve been dating for years and quarrel like anyone else. Once they’re married they’ll continue pursuing normal, middle-class lives like most of the population. 

Love knows no boundaries, we always hear. I’d agree if we were talking about national borders, but cultural boundaries block “strange” love at every turn. I envision Ben and Pond tearing some down. For all the speeches and rallies and logical reasoning, the best way to overcome bias is with empirical evidence – by offering a living, undeniable example. 

I hope we’ll have more public appearances by couples and families who reflect society’s sexual diversity. Straight people need to see that “normal family” can mean much more than man + woman + offspring.