Snooping on gossip

As an expatriate American, I don’t mind if my government snoops on my phone calls and email.  It’s okay – I have nothing to hide. But those Prism guys will get bored pretty fast, because my phone calls and emails are all between me and my girlfriends. It’s all idle gossip: when we’ll get our hair done, where we’ll go shopping, and where we’re going to meet for lunch. As a taxpayer I’m not sure I want the government to waste my money monitoring such useless information. 

If they want more excitement they should monitor the phone calls and emails of my husband Horace, who is constantly exchanging world-class pornography with his smutty Brit-trash friends. He also has a rich collection of really low-class anti-Obama jokes they’d probably like.

To save the taxpayers’ money, I suggest that the government put a question on our federal income-tax forms that will enable them to scrap the entire Prism operation. Every American taxpayer will have to answer it. “During the current tax year, did you have any communication whatsoever with terrorists, suspected terrorists or potential terrorists?” Have them check yes or no. If yes, make them fill out a form detailing their conversations. This will save the government a ton of money and enable them to scale back the deficit. It will also prevent a lot of terrorist attacks.

Constance Beasley

Bangkok