More recently, L Ron Hubbard’s revelations brought us the real truth: we humans are Thetans. According to Ron, our ancestors were brought to Earth in a plane similar to a DC-8. They were then bussed to volcanoes all across the planet. Once there they were lowered into these volcanoes along with hydrogen bombs. Then came the Big Bang(s)! Only a few survived. They are our ancestors.
Oops, I almost forgot: present-day Scientologists don’t kill non-believers.
A Bangkok Atheist