THURSDAY, March 28, 2024
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Your mindset is your choice and that will determine your life

Your mindset is your choice and that will determine your life

BEING A facilitator to deliver the “Developing and Implementing an Outward Mindset” programme for almost two years, my life has drastically changed in many aspects . My relationships with those I left behind are much better and my stress level is greatly relieved.

I have lived my life focusing on only “me”; nothing else as important as “me”. I work hard and I deserve to be recognised by people around “me”. I am a kind of a person who never trusts others, has all the answers and feels superior to others. 
“Why do you never give me time? Why do you only care for others but me?” once said my wife. This upset me so much as I thought my dedication towards work is for my family to live happily. “You don’t understand, I work hard for us to have a better life. I work diligently day and night while you’re sitting at home blaming me. What kind of wife are you?” I yelled back. “If you cannot tolerate, why don’t we separate and you can find another man who can give you more time?” My wife kept silent and started crying and she finally apologised to me for what she said. Again, I won. In fact, we have been in this situation from time to time, and I am the one who always wins. I am always right and my wife is always wrong.
With this self-focused mindset, I see my wife as a mere object. I try to find all the evidence to justify my action and for her to recognise my goodwill while trying to find fault in her. I ignore her needs, deeming them as irrelevant while trying to manipulate things only for my own matters. 
I have lived like this throughout my life and not only has it caused trouble for me, but also for the many people that I love – until I was introduced to the concept of the inward and outward mindset by The Arbinger Institute. 
The Arbinger Institute was founded in 1979 by Dr C Terry Warner, the scholar who solved the central problem at the heart of human sciences: self-deception. His work revealed two distinct mindsets from which people operate – a self-focused inward mindset and an others-inclusive outward mindset.
For this, mindset is the way we see the world, the situation, the challenges, the opportunities, and other people around us. It drives and shapes all that we do – how we engage with others and how we behave in every moment and situation.
The concept of mindset taught me that happiness and success in life is not only about what I do, rather it’s about who I am to the world and how I relate to the people around me. 
I’ve learnt that inward mindset makes people become self-focused and see others as objects not people. Those that can help you are vehicles. Those that make things more difficult for you are obstacles. Those whose help|wouldn’t matter become irrelevant.
From here, I looked back to my relationship with my wife and sawthat I perceived her as an obstacle to my success. 
On the contrary, with the outward mindset, I start to see people as people. I understand that others have fears, hopes, dreams and love like I have. I start to appreciate others as human beings, not objects. I start to see the value and potential in people. I start to listen to them without judgement. All in all, I come to realise that I am actually not better than them. We are equal. I was a problem, not them. 
From this shift in mindset, I live my life not only for myself, but also for everyone around me. I learn that the concept is working not only in the personal sphere but also in the business world. Organisations that focus on shifting mindset will lead to dramatic improvements in behaviour and results, at all levels. 
The bottom line is that behaviours may drive results, but what drives behaviours is mindset. Still, mindset is a choice. Be it inward or outward is up to you – and you can start today by reflecting on your actions. 

Contributed by BOONCHAI PONGRUNGSAP, senior consultant at SEAC (formerly APMGroup) Southeast Asia’s leading executive, leadership and innovation capability development centre. He can be reached at [email protected] 
 

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