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Seminal advice to all would-be sperm donors

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Re: “More Beasley children on the way”, Letters, April 26

No, Mr Beasley, not every Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza regular can be a sperm donor. Before considering a lucrative career as a semen tycoon, you have to meet the following criteria:
You must be at least 178 centimetres tall, between 19 and 40 years old, and in good health both physically and mentally. You must never have had an STD. Your sexual partners must be exclusively female. You are currently attending a four-year course at university or already hold a Bachelor’s. An advanced degree in science, especially astrophysics, nuclear physics, molecular biology, biochemistry or quantum theory is usually preferred, but not required. If you are still standing to attention after facing those criteria, you’ll be put through a comprehensive medical screening and required to answer questionnaires about an inch thick. This is all understandable, though, when you consider that childless couples pay tons of money for a baby – so they want a thoroughbred, not an old nag, a Ferrari not a rusty clunker.
In short, if you have Brad Pitt looks, Usain Bolt’s physique and Einstein’s brain, you may qualify as a sperm donor. In your case, Mr Beasley, if you want to make money from your semen I suggest you sell it in bulk to a glue factory. Start collecting today, good luck.
Somsak Pola
Samut Prakan

Published : April 26, 2017