Donald Trump would do well in Thailand

He is rich

No offence to all the paupers out there, but you have to be wealthy to play politics in Thailand. The requirement isn’t constitutional, but it is mandatory. It’s not even an irony any more that you must have millions in the bank to be a champion of the poor. Show me any politician determined to fight for those with next to nothing and I will show you personal assets that will make you cry.

Donald Trump is not just rich, he’s mega-rich, which makes him a perfect personality to prescribe anti-poverty solutions for Thailand. After all, politics, especially in Thailand, is the art of being obscenely rich while holding a reputation for being socially caring.

He doesn’t like minorities or immigrants that much

Thaksin Shinawatra bears the scars of Tak Bai while Prayut Chan-o-cha is unpopular over treatment of the Rohingya. The point is, a black mark over ethnic minorities is a hallmark of successful political leadership in Thailand. Trump will waltz into the club.

Half of the country hates him

Politics is also the art of being able to rule despite being hated by a sizeable number of people. The bigger the number of haters, the greater the leader one can be. This truth is most resounding in Thailand, but the United States is emerging a close second thanks to Trump. Half of Americans not only hate him, but are also terrified at the thought of him having nuclear launch codes at his fingertips. This means he will do more than just fine in Thailand.

He makes you hate

Being hated is a negligible problem in politics. What matters is making sure people hate your opponents more than you. Again, this truth is the most glaring in Thailand, but Trump is adopting the Thai strategy everywhere he goes and every time he speaks. His slogan “Make America great again” has some how morphed into “Make America hate again”.

When it comes to amplifying hatred in US politics, Trump is going great, and his Democratic rivals have caught the disease. With this quality alone, he is a match for basically anyone over here.

He (apparently) wants his opponent dead

Do Thai politicians want their opponents literally dead? Everyone must have an answer in mind already. Does Trump desire his opponents dead? Read the following quote, uttered word for word just a few days ago and described by the Guardian as “Trump at his lowest”, and judge for yourselves: 

“Hillary wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the Second Amendment. If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is, I don’t know.”

The Second Amendment enshrines the right to bear arms. To many observers, Trump was implicitly asking its supporters to kill his opponent before she could revoke their constitutional right to gun ownership.

His many fans loved it, mind you. In Thailand, though, he could be a bit more straightforward. Here he could go all the way and make statements that require no reading between the lines. In short, he would like it here very much.

His party doesn’t like him but it can’t live without him

This may sound new in America but it’s a longstanding theme of Thai political life. We have political parties that don’t like their leaders that much but have to rely heavily on them. Trump has dismayed many in the Republican Party but managed to present himself as its only hope of winning the presidency.

So, in this context, the Republicans and their Thai counterparts have a lot in common. Better still for Trump if he came here, the likes of Ted Cruz would be squashed like insects on the windshield.

He’s a product of American democracy

Don’t let loud complaints about “American nosiness” fool you. Many Thais, particularly the intellectual community, prefer the US system to military dictatorship. Trump would be an ambassador for the world’s greatest democracy if he decided to run for election here. His boldness would represent genuine freedom of speech. His questionable knowledge of certain key national affairs would symbolise the “American dream”, which makes anything possible. And whatever his shortcomings or downright untruths, they would be earnestly defended by advocates of the American system, which is simply too big to fail.

Last but not least, he will make you vote with clenched teeth

Thais are familiar with choosing “the lesser evil”, so Trump would slot in nicely. In America, many have forced themselves to overlook his flaws in the belief that the system is offering no better alternative. Here, though, Trump would find more understanding and more accommodating voters who have learned how to live with a system that stinks.