Coaching: How to sustain a conversation
Q: The beginning of a conversation is usually easy for me, as I have a lot of things to talk about and ask. But I am unable to keep the conversation going for more than 30 minutes, as I run out of things to talk about, making us bored with each other. Wha
A: Poor listening is the key reason for not knowing what to say or ask. In a hurry to say what they want, they are not listening to the other person's responses. Poor listeners listen at the "head" level and not at the "heart" level. At the "head" level, it is about understanding the words being said. What happens is you will be in a "touch and go" mode, covering many areas without going deeper into the topic. At this level, anyone will be bored after a while.
The bottom line: You need to deepen your listening to the "heart" level, which is the emotional level, rather than be at "head" level, which is logic only. To do this, you need to focus your eyes on the person, hear their words and watch their movements. Then open your heart to receive the "energy" that comes from them. Be present and be aware of any distraction. Give your total attention to the person to make them feel important. They will then be motivated and interested to take part in the conversation. Instead of just talking, power up your questions to make yourself more curious, like "Tell me more", "That's interesting", or even exclaim, "Wow!" You will be surprised how all these can make you an interesting person everyone wants to be with.
Powerful questions: How can you put the spotlight on the person you are talking to rather than on yourself? What are the distractions you need to watch out for? How can you dispel them? What are some motivational words that you can say to make people want to tell you more?
Michael Heah is an International Coach Federation accredited coach. Coaching programmes leading to ICF coach certification are available. Log in to www.corporate-coachacademy.com or call +668 1925 2328 or e-mail [email protected].
