Importance of strengthening the inner self

These are only part of a long list of grievances I have about him. Deep inside, I am very, very angry with him and even with myself! Angry with him is because he is bullying me. Angry with myself, is because I allow him to do this to me and I dare not confront him for all the mistreatment and bullying. I want a way out of this otherwise this raging fire of my anger will soon burn me down.Why am I like this? What should I do now?

 

PERPETUAL VICTIM

 

So you know it does not make sense but you kept restraining yourself till today. Why? Admit it! There is something deeper in you that makes you want to, or perhaps likes to, play the victim’s role. There is perhaps a “person”, an experience, etc, in your early life that keeps reminding you not to confront, react or do anything “silly” to a boss like yours. So you subdue yourself and take all the beatings. 

The Bottom Line: Till you openly acknowledge this and “tell” this “person” (or experience) that you no longer play a part of their control over you, then taking solid steps to change your current ways will not happen. Once this is done, it is time you vent your anger on your boss, either in the form of a letter through a friend or directly to him. When you do this, the turmoil inside you will subside and inner peace and calmness will come to you. Remember, letting off your anger is not wrong; it is a healthy way to living the life you want once more. 

Powerful Questions: Who is the person or experience in your life that is “telling” you that you should be a victim of others? How can you reconcile with this person (or experience) that it is time to cut ties with them? What will you do and say to let off your anger at the person who is doing this to you? What is your long-term plan when you have done this? 

 

WINNING THE WORKPLACE WAR 

I like to seek the views of a coach like you to help me understand why some of my staff are silently going on a “go-slow” protest against my leadership for reasons best known to them. They are simply taking their own sweet time doing their work yet knowing that I will obviously know and will be most unhappy with their sickening behaviour. They also know that I would not believe them when they give me such reasons: “we are very busy”, “something urgent cropped up that I had to attend to first, etc”. They also know they will be |losers when it comes to their performance appraisal reviews. Are they plain stupid or is there something else? 

 

SHAPE UP

Yes, you are absolutely right. They not only know that you will know, but want you to know this as well! To them, “going slow” is their way of gaining control over you just like you have on them using the formal authority you have that they do not have. There is definitely something in the air that is not right about the current work climate. In my view, it has to do with your leadership that they disdain. They probably feel that the things you do to them are too punishing, unreasonable and bad, etc. They want to get back at you.. So they use the only authority they have and it is about “going slow” where they use on you. So they are not “stupid”, but “strategic” is probably a better word! 

The Bottom Line: You need to be objective about this situation now. In the end, they are not going to be losers alone; you, too, will be included! A good way out is to sit down with a few selected employees (especially those “kingpins”) to get them to bare their soul on what their underlying issues are that they have against you. If you feel you are right in what you are doing, this will be a good platform for you to explain your rationale and get their buy in. However, if their grievances make sense, then be brave and kind to admit it, correct it and move on. It is a show of your courage and objectivity that will help you to earn “trust points” from your people. They will then see a true and sincere leader in you. 

Powerful Questions: What are you really unhappy with your staff? How can you get them to honestly admit or tell you what is wrong? What are you prepared to do to reach an amicable compromise for a win-win situation? What will you all gain when this outcome is reached? 

 

Note: Corporate Coach Academy is a coaching school in Asia to certify leaders of all backgrounds to become manager-coaches or professional certified coaches in this region. Log in www.corporate-coachacademy.com or [email protected] for details.