It won't work, but Dad has to try

Have you ever thought about changing? Would you prefer to change willingly or be forced? Surely everybody would choose to change voluntarily. 

Cecil Chao, a controversial businessman in Hong Kong, decided to try and “change” his lesbian daughter Gigi by offering US$65 million to any man who could win her heart. She would thus not be “forced” to “convert” because she would choose the man on her own.

But the fact is that Gigi has already married her girlfriend Sean, and they live in France, continuing a seven-year relationship. According to UK gay-news publisher Pinknews, the Hong Kong billionaire long ago “recognised” the relationship and has maintained a close relationship with his daughter. Gigi has said her father’s appeal for a male suitor doesn’t bother her much – she understands him and Chinese society, where same-sex relationships are scorned. 

So father and daughter know each other and understand that they can’t change one another, and yet the father remains hopeful that she can somehow “quit” homosexuality. I think their close relationship shows that homosexuality isn’t an obstacle in this family – it’s just that Cecil has to act according to his social status.

Status is a high priority in traditional Asian societies. In old Siam, who you had sex with was less important than fulfilling your social duty. And building a family remains one of the important duties, since it “honours” the ancestors and family legacy and brings political benefits. 

People today are sometimes surprised to learn that marriage in the past often lacked romantic attachment. But such family and societal expectations are the reason why same-sex relationships are still rejected – they can serve no function for traditional society.

We need to understand people who grew up according to tradition. They place duty above personal preference and refuse to consider that change is possible, that everyone has rights. And if they do accept that the world can change, it doesn’t mean they have to change too. They might seek to impose their worldview on others in the full knowledge that they’ll fail. 

Cecil may be one such person. He understands his daughter’s lesbian relationship, but can’t fully accept it.

We need to say “fair enough” to such people. Sometimes they’re willing to accept change, but they just can’t alter the perspective with which they grew up and have known all their lives. They have to maintain their social status. 

In response, we just need to carry on, passively showing them that we can all live together without forcing anyone to change.