Squat or sit? A question that divides the world

I commend The Nation for its courage in tackling the controversial and emotionally charged topic of squat versus sit-down toilets. The timing was auspicious, since November 19 was National Toilet Day.

No doubt the merits of the Asian squat toilet, as opposed to its Western sit-down counterpart, will be hotly debated on our planet until the last toilet has been flushed and the last “package” has gone gurgling down the drain. But let’s examine a few of the arguments.  The Western objection to the Chinese habit of squatting on a Western toilet seat has no merit unless the user has dirty feet. That would sully the seat and dirty the buttocks of the next Westerner to use it. All we need to do is instruct Chinese users to remove their shoes before mounting the throne, just as they would do before entering a temple.

Westerners will argue that their toilet is more convenient than its Asian counterpart. One can sit there comfortably for hours, reading a newspaper, working a smartphone or practising meditation while one’s haemorrhoids grow. By contrast, the Asian squatter requires a more rapid execution of the excretory task, because the muscles in the calves and thighs will quickly strain. This disadvantage is offset by the observable fact that squatting results in a cleaner poo. The cheeks of the buttocks are forced more widely apart, assuring the defecatory “package” a cleaner exit from the orifice of concern. 

It’s all about freedom of choice, folks. And freedom of choice requires that every restroom in the West be outfitted with at least a few squat toilets for the convenience of Asian customers. By the same token, every Asian restroom must be outfitted with at least a few sit-down toilets for the convenience of Western customers. 

In closing, I must pay obsequious tribute to an institution that, so far as I know, prevails only in Thailand. This is an entirely beneficent appliance known as the Hose. It is an accessory affixed to almost every toilet in Thailand. It obviates the need for toilet paper, and in doing so saves the lives of countless trees. Entire forests bow their leafy heads in homage before the Hose in gratitude for its compassionate service. The virtues of this environmentally friendly device have been far too long unacknowledged and ignored.

S Tsow

Toiletophile