Tan's bid for octopus glory turns into a damp squid

This time, in the absence of a dependable arthropod soothsayer, folks on the social networks were wondering if they should rely on businessman Tan Passakornnatee. 

The chairman and CEO of the Ichitan Group, celebrated purveyors of green tea, has gained something of a reputation with his World Cup predictions on Facebook – namely that he’s always wrong. Always. If he names a winner, you can bet as much as you can afford on the opposing team. 

With the tournament still in the group stage, Tan confidently forecast that the “fierce” Spanish squad would rout the Netherlands on June 14. It wasn’t too much of a stretch given that Spain are former champions and were the clear favourites in this pairing. Tan wasn’t alone in being shocked by Holland’s 5-1 rout of the giants. 

Unfazed, Tan next predicted that England would conquer Italy, and he was so sure that he declared, “If England lose, I’ll follow a vegetarian diet for three days.” Another safe bet, and yet Italy beat England 2-1. His mouth full of tofu, Tan mulled the coming match between Portugal and Germany. Then he posted a photo of a piece of paper on which he’d written “Portugal” and “iPhone 5S”. “Anyone who thinks Portugal will win, click like,” Tan explained. “One lucky person will get an iPhone 5S.

“Don’t let me down again,” he begged Portugal, “I haven’t finished my vegetarian diet yet!” Naturally, Portugal lost to the Germans 0-4. 

Somehow Tan was still willing to back Spain last Wednesday when they went up against Chile. (The man obviously doesn’t take risks, odds-wise.) “If Spain win tonight I’ll give away as many iPhone 5S’s as the goals the team scores to those who click like.” Alerted that some guy in Thailand was banking on them big-time, Spain succumbed to the pressure and to Chile, becoming the first team kicked out of contention at World Cup 2014. 

It was clear by now that the best way to win a little cash (not that we’re advocating gambling, General Prayuth) would be to put your reverse-faith in Tan. He’s Thailand’s version of Pele, people sniggered, meaning of course the Brazilian football icon who rarely guesses the outcome of a match correctly. “Tan is worse than Pele – none of his picks are right!” @Ris3on corrected his fellow Tweeple. 

Tan might be a very clever businessman, but when it comes to football (and fortune-telling) he should perhaps just retire and leave the guesswork to the more polished pundits. Having said that, chronic inaccuracy is still a win-win undertaking for Tan. He loves publicity and his faulty forecasts have garnered a lot of unexpected attention. Not only that – he hasn’t had to pay for any phones to give away!