Can Miss Universe save the universe?

Us neighbourhood kids even played "Miss Universe". "What's your favourite dish?" was the most popular question asked in our make-believe interview round. The kids would invariably name somtam, fried rice and noodles. I have no idea how the "judges" scored those answers - maybe picking something spicy like somtam seemed smarter than kiddie food like fried rice - but everyone scored high when it came to sincerity. You'd never hear juvenile questions like that on the real Miss Universe show, of course, especially today, when the contestants have to be very clever, their beauty running far deeper than the surface. The judges are looking for a winner with smarts who can enhance the Miss Universe brand. 

 

This year, perhaps, the organisers went a little too far with the questions. The five finalists coped well, but a lot of viewers were left scratching their heads in bewilderment. Miss Philippines, for example, was asked about the United States reopening a military base in her country. It had to be an awkward moment. Thanks goodness my childhood mock beauty contest didn't have questions like that! I'd have answered, "Come on, this is a beauty contest! Maybe you want to promote peace and love, but why do we have questions about military things?"

 

For Pia Wurtzbach, Miss Philippines, it was a no-win situation being asking about an American military base in a contest hosted by Americans. She came up with a response that pleased her hosts: "We were colonised by Americans and we have their culture and traditions to this day, so I think we should be very welcoming to Americans. I don't see any problem with that at all." But back home it was payback time. She was bombarded with criticism from countrymen who want the US military gone for good. 

 

Remarkably, the tricky question handed to Pia wasn't even the most difficult one fielded at the pageant. Miss France had this to ponder: "Having experienced terrorism first-hand, what do you think is the best way for governments to combat this rising threat?" Yes, a question best left to the French cabinet was handed to a 20-year-old beauty contestant. She stayed cool, though, saying we have to look into the root causes of terrorism.

 

Miss Australia was quizzed about legalising marijuana. Miss Colombia had to address the Illegal-drug trade in her country. And Miss USA wasn't let off the hook - they asked her about gun control! "This is an incredibly difficult issue and the United States is constantly weighing the options," she replied, without even sweating. "I think it's incredibly important that all individuals have the right to protect themselves and feel safe, but I also think that sometimes we need to look at safety as a whole - more than just our personal safety. So I think we need stronger regulations. Specifically, I think we need to pay attention."

 

The finalists did their best to stay politically correct and not tread on any toes, but you have to wonder if Miss Philippines' answer carried any weight beyond helping win her the Miss Universe crown. Saying it's okay for US troops to be stationed in a foreign country suggests it should be the norm everywhere. The main problem with such questioning, though, is that they were so unfair to the contestants. Yes, the questions gave the ladies a chance to demonstrate their intellect, but their honesty had to stay mute.

 

I remember a time when the pageant involved a more creative Q&A. Back in 1973 Miss Philippines was Margie Moran (and she won the crown too). She was asked, plain and simple, "If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?" Her response was just as straightforward: "I'd buy a big house where I could live with all the people I love." I'd certainly have given her full marks for that display of honesty. 

 

Miss USA Brook Mahealani became Miss Universe 1997 in part because of her reply to this sparkling question: "If there were no rules for one day and you could be outrageous, what would you do?" "I'd eat everything in the world," she said. The audience laughed and she added, "No, you don't understand - I'd eat everything twice!" 

 

Perhaps it isn't so silly after all being asked what your favourite food is. If the idea is to test someone's creativity and sincerity, probing queries about politics and other controversial issues are completely unnecessary. Leave the big policy questions to the world leaders (and see if they can come up with a better answer than a beauty queen). If the politicians do their jobs properly and resolve a few problems, maybe future generations of young ladies can get back to more fun and creative questions on the pageant stage. 

 

And for all the little girls out there, today being Children's Day, I send you a wish that you grow up to live in a better world, one filled with love and peace - and fewer hypocrites.