Is God a transgender and/or a rapist? A theologian speaks… 

Nigel Pike has asked me to weigh in on the silly “Is God transgender?” issue. In a word, the answer is no. But first, let me bore you with a little history.
The deity currently worshipped by Judaism, Christianity and Islam was originally (3,000-2,000 BCE) one of many elohim (local and regional deities) thought to inhabit the ancient Middle East. He became the family deity of the patriarch Abraham and his descendants, and was later conflated with a volcano god thought to live on Mount Sinai, who took the name Yahweh (meaning, roughly, He Who Is). Over the centuries, this hybrid deity became inflated into the cosmic God worshipped by the three Abrahamic religions today. While he is thought to be male (a carryover from his primitive past), he is also thought to be omniscient and omnipotent, the creator and ruler of the entire universe.
Here we encounter the biggest of many problems. God is supposed to be omnipotent, but he is also supposed to be all-good: beneficent, kindly, loving, merciful, and all the rest. This is an irreconcilable contradiction. If he is all-powerful, he cannot possibly be all-good, or the world would not be the way it is. It has at least four defects, all beginning with the letter D: disasters, diseases, death, and Donald Trump.
Baffled by this conundrum, I decided to consult the deity himself. And here we plunge into the world of fantasy. Our conversation went like this:
Me: “Lord, people on earth are wondering if you are transgender. Also, why did you ‘groom’ and rape the Virgin Mary?”
God: “Ah, you must be one of those hairless primates I invented so many centuries ago on that little planet way off in a minor galaxy. That was a big mistake. I should never have expected anything from primates. But I was young and foolish, and I had great hopes for you. Silly me. But I’m surprised you haven’t extinctified yourselves by now. You’re an obsolete species.
“Well, here’s the skinny, hume. I’m a spirit. Jesus says so. (John 4:24) Spirits don’t have bodies, so they don’t have sex organs, so they don’t have gender. We’re asexual. I’m not a he, nor a she: I’m an it. So, no, I did not bonk that little Galilean girl. You humans have bodies, so you project your own defects onto me, and assume that I have a body too. 
“I’m a spirit, capiche? What is a spirit? A spirit is air that is conscious. The Hebrew word for spirit and wind are the same: ruach. So call me a conscious wind. Given the pathetic evolutionary condition of your tiny brains, that’s as close as you’re ever going to get to defining or understanding me. 
“Am I omnipotent? Of course not. Otherwise I’d have done a better job when I created you. Am I good? Well, I try my best. But given the material I have to work with, sometimes my best isn’t good enough. And that’s all you’re going to get from me till your brains evolve some more. So sayonara, little primate.”
Till my brain evolves some more,
Ye Olde Theologian